Name Your Wang

This is the first and only certified site to register and receive a “Certificate of Authenticity” of ownership of your wang name.

Great names are still available. Register now!

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Kit-in Box

kit in box

Solely invented to deter cats from walking across your computer keyboard, The Refined Feline furniture quite literally pushes their latest product to the edge with Kit-in Box.

Internet search results dictate naming

Illinois bank changes their name from First State to Legence to avoid being 1 of 20 million other “First State” related hits upon web search results. Commenting on the identity crisis and strategy to regain attention with the rename, bank president Kevin Beckemeyer says, “A business needs to be top in the mind and heart of its customers, not one in millions sharing the same name or a similar name, Beckemeyer said.”

Fun search facts:

  • Total Google Search results for First State Bank 22,500,00
  • Total Google Search results for Legence Bank 184

How memorable is a name like Legence for a bank, especially being a name close to “Legend” where search results for ‘Legend Bank’ round off at 21 million hits? Or is it pronounced “Leg-ence”, as in “leg essence”? A bank willing to Show a Little Leg? A Leg Up on the competition? Or just another case of Restless Legence Syndrome?

Lawyers, Guns and Branding

Our friends and colleagues at Whisper brand strategy consultants are hosting this Monday’s Blawg Review, the weekly review of the best of the law blogs. “Lawyers, and law firms, have always been brands,” writes Steve Cranford, CEO of Whisper.

Here’s a piece from the Wall Street Journal Law Blog that we’d have recommended for consideration in this week’s Blawg Review #169, even though it was obviously posted too late to make the cut, it’s that good:

July 21, 2008, 4:59 pm
Coming Soon: The Heller v. D.C. Commemorative Revolver
Posted by Ashby Jones

We know that last month’s Supreme Court ruling in Heller v. D.C., in which the court shot down the District of Columbia’s handgun ban, made a lot of people happy (and many distressed, as well). But for those who are just beside themselves with glee, who need some sort of physical manifestation of their deep and unadulterated joy, well, it’s your lucky day. Have we got just the item.

Introducing the Smith & Wesson commemorative Heller v. D.C. revolver! That’s right, the Springfield, Mass.-based gun maker announced Monday it would present engraved Model 442 revolvers (pictured) to the six plaintiffs in the lawsuit that led to the high court’s June 26 decision. Here’s the Associated Press story as well as a press release from Smith & Wesson.

Smith & Wesson said the gun’s right-side plate will be engraved with the words “D.C. vs. Heller” on a scale of justice, which is tipped toward Heller. “Second Amendment” and “The right to keep and bear arms” will appear below the scale. The commemorative revolvers will be sold in the fall, with a portion of sales going to the Second Amendment Foundation.

Apologies to the Law Blog for ripping off this post, and to Warren Zevon for riffing off the title of this song.

Mixed Message

Does your child suffer from mass confusion?

Cowboys and Hippies

Wrangler is about to rope you in with their latest wild ride of a TV spot, out to change the way they represent their jeans. Paris-based ad agency FFL delivers the new message behind Wrangler’s jeans “We Are Animals” as a quasi-erotic-thriller-for-hippies.

WARNING: This content may contain similar visual styles to the works of Natural Born Killers, The Blaire Witch Project, Dazed and Confused,and Jenna Jameson with roots buried deep beneath High Noon.

Top secret Landor process document revealed

landor process

“Insert the proprietary Landor Naming Process Tool into the anal canal and twist until it grabs the membrane. Continue twisting another half turn, then steadily pull the proprietary Landor Naming Process Tool out of the canal. Extract 10 inches of membrane, tie the membrane off and cut.”

As with any process, the only true measure of success is what comes out the other end.

Blandor Says Blandor the Imponderable: “Oh deer! Perhaps I should butt out….No! My auricular has been opened, laid bare for all to observe! This time, no amount of blandiloquence will assuage this insolent corporate sabotage! And furthermore, we use a much larger mammal in our current work”

Perfection in naming

San Francisco (our fair city) has placed an initiative on this November’s ballot, to name a sewage facility.

Via AP:

SAN FRANCISCO, California (AP) — A measure seeking to commemorate President Bush’s years in office by slapping his name on a San Francisco sewage plant has qualified for the November ballot.

The measure certified Thursday would rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.

Supporters say the idea is to commemorate the mess they claim Bush has left behind by actions such as the war in Iraq.

The Incredible Edible Anus

“For us, producing hand made chocolates is an art. The art of producing our chocolates with the utmost care, in true tradition of Belgian craftsmanship. These chocolates are created with one thing on our mind: to produce a combination of taste and touch that takes you to chocolate anus heaven.”

Give the ladies what they want

The marketing geniuses at Neutrogena, realizing how crowded the women’s skin care product sector is, have started selling vibrators. But not just any vibrator, a vibrator that a woman can, with head held high, take through airport security, buy at the drugstore, and leave in plain sight for the kids to find. Brilliant.

It’s the Neutrogena Wave, a sex toy with plausible deniability built-in.

Here’s to wiggle room:

Highs of Economic Lows: Starbucks

Fewer Starbucks. With respect to those baristas on the butcher block, the downsizing of monolithic Starbucks is rather celebratory. With a plan to delete 600 stores, Starbucks will begin cuts this summer and carry through to spring 2009. Expect an increase in caffeine headaches.

PROS:

  • Less litter and a decrease in plastic and paper production
  • Beggars will be less commercialized, however, igniting a potential surge in Dixie
  • More money for the silver screen as entertainment not advertisement
  • Cut back on headsets, dairy, green and brown ink, aprons, sugar, straws…
  • Less haunting images of Britney and her venti mocha frappuccino with whipped cream
  • People Magazine will have to find more substantial material to cover
  • If you forget your scone when you buy your coffee, you may have to walk back as opposed to grabbing it at the Starbucks 2 doors down. You will be walking more. You will shed more pounds. Or be too lazy to go back for the scone, therefore, omitting the extra calories. And shedding more pounds (aim towards fighting obesity in America).
  • Longer lines at other neighborhood cafes, permitting you to stop, take a breath, think about life, your pace, and your health. Wherein, you decide near the front that the coffee is not worth the wait and opt to run across the street to McDonalds for a breakfast Happy Meal instead.
  • Decrease in seat puddles on public transportation

Think about all the advances that await America upon the downsizing of Starbucks. Now I need a latte….

Chocolate Skin?

Dove. Smooth, creamy, soft, nourishing Dove. Good for you. Makes you feel good. Which Dove? The chocolate or the soap? Maybe you are a bit frazzled by a flash of thought that you’ve been in the dark about Dove being both skin care and chocolate? Only now, years after the products hit the market, you’ve had this revelation. Don’t be fooled. It’s simply a perfect example of how two polar products/companies, both high profile, co-exist within the same market venue. From a naming standpoint, we pose the question, is this naming affair a healthy risk or flat out confusing? And how will it effect the overall brand identity of each product?

dove soap logo

The Dove (skin care) campaign for “Real Beauty” has certainly not gone awry. Since the campaign broke ground in 2004, promoting a healthy, realistic female physique, emerging skin care products have been launched under the same campaign, keeping Dove among household must-haves.

Tiptoeing in the steps of Dove skincare, comes “Dove Beautiful” for healthy skin (that’s Dove chocolate, not Dove skincare). Oh really? (In marches the editorial portion of the SN post) So did Dove and Dove team up? …Now promoting more average bodies, (aka not skinny) we ought to force feed some chocolate onto all these beautiful ‘real’ bodies and see how real Dove skin care holds up their end. Funny, Dove chocolates are a product manufactured by Mars, who by the way is pushing the ‘healthy lifestyle’ aspect of Dove Chocolates, and all of their chocolates; the same. I can’t wait for Hostess to come out with a line of ‘healthy lifestyle Ho Hos’ followed Suave’s shampoo campaign supporting frizzy hair because it’s natural and real beauty.

There are several arguments here. Although a few digs are being passed at both ‘healthy lifestyle’ campaigns, the debate is really about how both Dove and Dove intend to speak to the same audience, essentially conveying the same message, with very similar identity, and oh, one more thing, the same exact name. Ladies, eat the chocolate, and apply the lotions. As gluttons for beauty it’s a win-win situation.


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